Secret messages out in the open #12
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Dear ____,
Statistics are just anecdotes with a certificate. That’s what I’ve heard, anyway.
Maybe if you were less busy trying impress everyone with your Six Sigma bullshit, you’d sound less like a player hater on the fast track to Salingeresque senescence but without all that genius or original achievement in the way;
lonely years delivered
groceries left
of trying to compensate for
what you’ve flushed being so
goddamned right all the time.
This might help you in your ministry
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Prepare yourself
Most Atheists are highly intelligent. Probably better educated and have spent a lot of time thinking about reasons to believe.
How to Persuade an Atheist to Become a Christian
Remember the take-away points!
- Atheists are smarter than you are,
- better read than you are,
- they’ve thought about it more than you have,
- and they probably even wanted to believe.
This all makes it really hard to convince them so take care to do your best!!!
I like insects better than you #34: Dave’s not here, man
Monday, 21 July 2008
This makes getting out of bed and getting dressed seem much less horrible than it normally feels.
MLK v APV
Friday, 18 July 2008
| MLK | APV | Decision |
|---|---|---|
| A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus. | In your face, Obama! | MLK. |
| Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. | Trash on the Moon is a threat to cleanliness in the Amazon. | APV. |
| The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood. | What? The 6.5 billion bipedal apes roaming the globe are not alive? I guess China and India do so well because they are dedicated to justice and brotherhood. | APV. |
| I submit to you that if a man hasn’t discovered something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live. | Oooooh, so tempting to give in to your rhetoric… Must… retain… ability… to view life… as more… than the avoidance of death. | APV. |
| Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men. | Dude, any freshman English GA would have bled all over that. | MLK. It was clever enough at the time. |
| The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. | Okay, that’s gospel… Oh, no wait. Come to think of it, that’s pretty sexist, man. What’s the ultimate measure of a woman? | MLK. |
| I have a dream. | I have a dram. | Tie. |
| All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. | I think about suicide pretty often. Not quite as much as murder though so I guess you’re right. | APV. But maybe it’s time to call the cops…? |
| A lie cannot live. | Did you know that there is no supporting evidence whatsoever outside the gospels that Jesus of Nazareth was a real person? Did you also know the gospels were written 70-200 years after Jesus was supposedly alive, at a time when the average lifespan was a lot less than 70 years? | MLK. The Pepsi generation is sick of your wordy bullshit, Pond. |
| Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase. | Eyes are useful for walking on stairs, even when you’re trapped in another bad Steven Spielberg movie. | What? Seriously. Both of you. What? |
| Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. | Human salvation lies in the thighs of… um… | MLK. |
| In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. | Shhhhhhhhhhh! | APV! |
| Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. | Let no man pull you low without permission. | MLK. Gay jokes…? Bloggah, pleaze! |
| Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. | Our lives are, for all purposes, over the day we substitute speech for deeds. | APV. Wait, how did a serious one get in here? |
| Ten thousand fools proclaim themselves into obscurity, while one wise man forgets himself into immortality. | Oh, boy. I remember what being that drunk is like. | APV, despite the redundant drinking gag. |
| Winner: APV | ||
We were all surprised but shouldn’t have been. The more you examine heroes, the more you start to despise those who imagine them.
Is that a Colonial Viper in your pants or are you just glad to see this month’s issue of Maxim? –or– They can’t get their Nielsen up
Thursday, 17 July 2008
You know what I notice the most about the new Battlestar Galactica? It’s how many ads for Levitra®, Cialis®, Enzyte™, and friends they can jam between Tricia Helfer and Grace Park’s sweat soaked appearances in dirty tank tops.
They sure know their target audience.
Secret messages out in the open #11
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Dear ______________,
You know what? They aren’t all airbrushed. What a wicked thing for a fat lady to tell a 15 year old boy.
Site note for historical comparison: /sitemap was added today
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Sorry for the unenjoyable content but this will help me keep track of whether sitemaps help site traffic/SEO. If it seems to help, I’ll let you know. If you’re wondering how to do it… um, it’s a snap, just a few years of Perl, a couple years of XML, and plenty o’HTTP.
Nacked girls
Monday, 14 July 2008
I’ve just done you a tremendous favor. I’ve given you proof positive that spelling counts. Smart people who like to learn don’t only make more money, they find more and better porn.
Matt Drudge v The Two Million Man Box
Saturday, 5 July 2008
The United States has the highest documented incarceration rate, and total documented prison population in the world. Incarceration in the United States
Happy Fourth! –or– The pledge of allegiance 2.0
Friday, 4 July 2008
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice forall.some. Black hoods and enemas for others.
You’ll notice too how all the wrong words are capitalized.
