a list of good ideas that are not in my field

(A list of ideas I’m not smart enough to move on. Also I just don’t have time, maybe I could be smart enough, I’m not sure.)

Blue Corn Whiskey…

I think you can see what a terrific and obvious idea this is. I guess it took a New Mexican boy who is jealous of Tennessee to come up with it. That’s me.

New Mexico has blue corn (and red and white but they don’t taste so good). It is a terrific color of blue. If you’ve ever seen a blue butterfly, that’s what color it is, all of those blues. Blue corn is boss. It’s not sweet like yellow corn but it is delicious anyway. In NM we make tortillas, atole, and other stuff with it. But not posole or pop corn. I don’t know why, maybe it doesn’t pop right like yellow corn.

American whiskey is also called bourbon. Bourbon is made from corn and some other stuff. Corn and potatoes and everything that is good are from America. America has the best whiskey because of this. I don’t care what you’ve heard about Scotland and France and Canada. I think we could have the best and the most eclectic whiskey. Blue corn whiskey. Bourbon Blue™. That’s what I’d call it. The trademark makes it look rather official, don’t you think?

People only drink tequila and Coronas with their enchiladas and burritos and such. I think that’s unfair. Most of the “Mexican” food in America is TexMex and New Mexican food anyway. Why do we drink Mexican alcohol with American food? Bourbon Azul™, from New Mexico, that’s what I say. Order it by name until someone is forced to distill it and pay me plenty.

Write a prose novella by exing out words…

This is in my field but I criticize ready-made and found art so much that I think I don’t dare try this. I think it’s a good idea I just don’t want to be called a hypocrite and have it be true.

Take a novel—a big one like War and Peace or Decline and Fall… will help—and a black marker. Start exing out words that don’t belong. This is a linear invention technique. Many people I detest will think it’s a neat idea. This is also why I can’t do it. I don’t want detestable people admiring me. Here’s a quick example called “A Pea” so you know what I’m on about:

WAR AND PEACE

BOOK ONE: 1805

“Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes. But I warn you, if you don't tell me that this means war, if you still try to defend the infamies and horrors perpetrated by that Antichrist- I really believe he is Antichrist- I will have nothing more to do with you and you are no longer my friend, no longer my 'faithful slave,' as you call yourself! But how do you do? I see I have frightened you- sit down and tell me all the news.”

It was in July, 1805, and the speaker was the well-known Anna Pavlovna Scherer, maid of honor…

Which should be read now as:

A PEA

On 18–

Prince, now just of war, if you perpetrate that Antichrist– I will have nothing more to do, my friend. But how do you see and tell, 18, the speaker, the well-known maid…

When you finish, mail it to HarperCollins. They’re always on the look out for garbage that will be carried on the hunchbacked shoulders of hype and controversy.

That’s it. Those are the only two ideas I’ve had for a few years now.

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